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The idea of secession from the United States is often bandied about in Far Right circles as if it were the dire Nuclear Option within the conservative political arsenal. Just last week, on September 4, conservative economist Walter E. Williams broached the topic on the Rush Limbaugh Show. Williams—an occasional fill-in and hand puppet for the Dark Lord himself—was discussing the not-quite-mass movement for secession that is afoot in New Hampshire and opined that secession didn’t work “last time” (that unpleasant Civil War incident), but it did work “the first time in 1776,” and it would be nice to “see whether we could break the tie” and “have a sovereign nation.” Similarly, Texas Governor Rick Perry, appealing to the nebulous Right Wing populist rage at one of the Fox News “Tea Parties” last April, floated the possibility of secession “if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people” (apparently, he forgot which party won and which party lost in the elections last November). And there is no shortage of neo-Confederate hate groups, such as the League of the South, which are devoted to the idea of secession as a means of escaping federal intrusion upon the God-given right of states to enslave human beings for fun and profit.

Implicit in Right Wing chatter about secession is the assumption that it somehow constitutes a “threat”; that the inhabitants of a newly shrunk United States would bemoan the day they lost the invaluable contributions which the Far Right makes to Human Progress. But let us consider what would actually be “lost” were the United States of America (U.S.A.) to jettison the original 11 members of the Confederate States of America (C.S.A.): Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and Virginia. Even a cursory examination of available data indicates that the U.S.A. might benefit enormously from a southern-style divorce of this kind.

For instance, at a time when reigning in health care expenditures is a top priority for nearly every policymaker in the country, the Secession Option makes fiscal sense. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimate that the U.S.A. spends more that $75 billion on obesity-related medical expenditures each year, and the C.S.A. states account for roughly 30% (or $22.3 billion) of that total. In fact, the C.S.A. states have some of the highest rates of obesity in the nation. Based on my own calculations using the CDC’s obesity-rate data for each state and the U.S. Census Bureau’s state-population totals from the 2007 American Community Survey, I estimate that secession would permit the U.S.A. to shed roughly 26 million medically expensive obese individuals, which would reduce the size of the obese population in the country by one-third.

However, the benefits of secession go far beyond the fiscal advantages of shedding excess baggage from the health care system. Allowing the C.S.A. states to secede would eliminate nine of the 22 “red” states that swung Republican in the 2008 election. More precisely, based on popular-vote totals compiled by the U.S. Electoral College, secession would remove 36% (or 21.6 million) of those U.S. voters who thought that a McCain-Palin administration would have made a nice sequel to eight years of Bush-Cheney.

Shedding surplus Republicans from the U.S.A. would be advantageous not only from a partisan political perspective, but would vastly improve the general state of knowledge among the reduced U.S. population. The base of the Republican Party consists of Evangelical Protestants, a rather Taliban-esque group that tends to frown upon Enlightenment-era ideals such as scientific discovery and the use of human reason. For instance, 65% of Evangelical Protestants believe that all forms of life have always existed in their present form ever since a magical Supreme Being zapped them into existence—the fossil record and genetic mutation be damned. Not surprisingly, Evangelical Protestants are heavily concentrated in the C.S.A. states. Based on state-level estimates of religious affiliation from the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, and adult-population totals reported for each state by the 2007 American Community Survey, I conclude that secession would remove 44% (or 25.5 million) of all Evangelical Protestants from the U.S.A.

In short, the secession of the C.S.A. states might be just the sort of fiscal, social, and intellectual stimulus that the U.S.A. needs to move forward into the 21st century rather than backward into the Middle Ages. There is an apocryphal quote that is widely attributed to Miriam “Ma” Ferguson (Governor of Texas, 1925-1927 and 1933-1935), and is said to have been uttered in response to a question about the use of the Spanish language in Texas schools: “If English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for Texas schoolchildren.” I think that pretty much says it all.

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It should be clear by now that the battle lines of the 2008 election extend far beyond the mere personalities and ideologies of presidential contenders John McCain and Barack Obama. In a brilliant and now-infamous piece of cinematic sociology, entitled “The McCain-Palin Mob,” blogger interrupted lets the McCainomaniacs and Palinophiles of Strongsville, Ohio, put their feet in their collective mouth by asking them a simple question about Obama: “Do you think he’s a terrorist?” The answers—“he’s a one-man terror cell,” “he’s got the blood lines,” “look at the name”—speak volumes about the depths of human ignorance being plumbed by the McCain-Palin campaign in its quest for the White House.

Lest one speculate that the Trailer Park denizens captured on video by blogger interrupted are simply an unmedicated fringe that roams the hinterlands of Ohio, Tim Craig of The Washington Post reminds us that the chairman of the Virginia Republican Party, state delegate Jeffrey M. Frederick of Prince William, has warned that both Obama and Osama bin Laden “have friends that bombed the Pentagon,” while Dana Milbank describes the touching way in which Lehigh County, Pennsylvania, GOP Chairman Bill Platt pointed out repeatedly to a crowd of McCain-Palin faithful that an Obama victory in November raises the nightmarish specter of a U.S. President with the middle name “Hussein.” “Break out the white sheets, Martha—there’s a darkie with a funny name and an Ivy League education headed for the White House!”

One does not have to subscribe to Obama’s centrist, Clintonesque brand of milquetoast liberalism, or belong to his cult-of-personality fan club, to recognize that the Obama vs. McCain contest qualifies as a “culture war” in the finest sense. This is not simply a battle between supporters and opponents of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It’s a battle between those who think the Enlightenment was a largely positive development in human history and those who would probably oppose it today if they knew what it was.